The Start of Another Journey

Well, I started this blog in 2012, almost 3 years ago, to track my weight loss journey. I started and fizzled out, surprise! I had made a commitment to becoming healthy and losing 30 lbs, I wanted to change and I wanted to track my progress on here. I wanted an electronic diary so I could look back and see the wonderful progress that I made. I started exercising 5 times a week, a mix of cardio and weight training, tracking all my food through livestrong.com and, for a while, track my progress on here. I started eating better, making better choices and I started to see results. I quit blogging, but I continued to work hard and after six weeks of busting my butt and eating right, guess what?! I lost all 30 pounds!!! It was amazing! I quickly went into my garage and dragged out the tote of 'skinny' clothes that I had been saving for years. This certain red colored tote had been packed up and taken to 3 different states. Arizona, Utah, Arizona again, then it had been packed and hauled with us to California. I got out 'those' capris, you know the ones we all have, we love them but they just never fit right. I put them on and they buttoned with ease. It was a perfect fit, actually a little room to spare. I was shocked, elated, so excited! For the first time in a long time I felt comfortable in my own skin. I could dress without the discomfort of tight clothes or the nagging voice at the back of my mind telling myself "I look fat", "I would look cute, if it wasn't for that roll right there" etc. Here is where most people's blogs stop about their journey and start with all the health nut recipes, amazing exercises they found and the "skinny" but amazing tasting cookies they created, but not mine.
 Let's get a time table here, in March of 2012 I got my revelation of overweightness (not a word, I know) and started working out, eating healthier and tracking my food. In May of 2012 I was at my goal weight. From May 2012 - February 2013 I stayed there. But I'm writing to tell you what happened after that. The first thing that happened was I quit working out. We moved and every time we move I get off my workout schedule, that was June of 2012, so just one short month after attaining my goal I stopped. Of course it wasn't a conscience decision of quitting, it was more of a "I'll get back to it", "I'll skip just today", "I'm so tired and the house needs to be put back together" kind of process. But I didn't gain weight back so I was ok. Then next thing that happened was I started slipping in my food. I kept hearing everyone say, "once I got to my goal weight I could eat whatever I wanted" so I did. This too didn't effect me, at least not at first. I would eat junk food or fast food or sugary food and then the next day jump on the scale and expect to see huge numbers flash across the screen, but it never happened. It would be a half a pound here and pound there, so I continued as usual. My clothes got get a little tight and I would think about it for a minute then continue down my path to weight destruction. I kept tracking my food for a while and Julie, (my sister in law/trainer) would say things like "you're in your calorie goal, but you need to learn what healthy is, these foods your putting into your body aren't good". Even thought I had her guiding voice and the answers of "how to" I still slowly put weight back on. The mental conversations started again, "Meghan you're at 10 pounds, you need to get this under control" and "14 pounds, it's a lot but it's still manageable, I could just lose this real quick and be right back where I was" and "ugh, I better get my bigger sized jeans out, these don't fit", "Yikes!! 20 pounds back on this is bad!" then at that point I just stop caring and embraced  the mind set of "Whatever!!  I've already lost control so who cares!" So at just about two years from the start I was back at the beginning.
  So fast forward to today, I've stayed the same weight I was when I started my journey to a "Healthier MEg". I would say that this is a 'default' weight, it's what I come to rest at when I just live my life in neutral, eating what I want and not exercising. But I've decided I need to change. Now what prompted this change? Well the first thing is my health. I'm not struggling with a major illness or something of that nature but we have moved, again, but this time our move was overseas. We are now living in American Samoa. My husband and I had the great privilege of taking the church here and we love it! But there is a down side to the white sand beaches of the the South Pacific. I have never been a sick person but since moving here I have been down with 'something' about every other week. I know this should be expected to a certain degree when you're placed into a new environment and exposed to new germs you're more likely to pick up a cold or two. But the sickness I'm talking about goes beyond that.  As I was laying I bed fighting yet another bout of virus inflicted sickness it hit me like a rock, I'm having a hard time fighting this because my body isn't healthy. Not just, I'm carrying around extra weight, but my body doesn't have and isn't getting the proper nutrients to fight these sickness. This was really hard for me to hear and to process. The second prompt came from the fact that at the end of this year I will be turning 30! I know it's big milestone of leaving your adolescents and becoming a true adult. Although I have to say I've felt grown up for a long time, that's what happens when you get married at 19, have 3 kids and enter full time ministry. But I've struggled with my weight for all of my 20's and I've decided that I need to leave that struggle behind with the age and move forward. Another reason is, I saw a beautiful picture of my mom and her sisters. They are all so striking and healthy, I know that genes play a part in your body and (thankfully) I have that going for me so I need to use this to my advantage. But I don't want to wait until I'm 40 or 50 or 60 like some of them did to get my weight under control, I want the majority of my adulthood to be lived in freedom and the victory of becoming healthy. Another major factor is I think I'm finally ready. Ready to face the truth about my relationship with food, ready to admit to myself that what I've been doing doesn't work and that I have to change.  So as I start again on this new journey to being healthy, please join me. Offer insight, ask questions and help me stay on track!